For the past week I have been wandering around my neighborhood performing my annual caroling and wassailing, and I have noticed more and more people down in the dumps. I think it's because of the economic crisis. This Christmas is turning into the plot of a 1960's Rankin and Bass Holiday Special - "The Year Wall Street Stole Christmas from Main Street." The only way to beat these doldrums is to fight back using stop motion puppet photography. Let's make a new special out of this situation! Here's the plot:
The Head of the North Pole Bank who bears a striking resemblance to Burger Meister Meister Burger is sick of Christmas and wants to put an end to it. His plan is to get the North Pole Government to give him all of its money so no one will be able to buys toys for the children. The President of the North Pole, as played by that creepy dentist pal of Rudolph's, agrees without even thinking about it. But the money isn't enough for Burger Meister Meister Burger, so he calls in his pals, The Big Three Sleigh makers as played by
The Heat Miser, The Cold Miser and the Abominable Snowman, to take all the rest. Leaving only lumps of coal for all the children, which is kind of a help, what with heating fuel costs. But its clean coal and we all know that exists as much as good ole St. Nick himself.
All seems lost. No one seemed to be able to stop him. Not Rudolph as voiced by Barney Frank. Not Mrs. Claus, as voiced by Nancy Pelosi and not even Barack Obama as voiced by Fred Astaire. At the very last minute on Christmas Eve, Santa called all the townspeople together and said, "We're in uncharted waters here and nobody seems to know what will happen. We might have a complete financial meltdown or things might just be bad for a very long time." And then with a tip of his hat and a twinkle in his eye and a sack full of cash, he bellowed, "Good night to all and Merry Christmas ya' suckers!"
Holiday Cheer to All! - Paul